Reflection

So.... I finally sat and reflected on the past year... and evaluated my goals from last year and June. I have a birthday in June, so my true "New Year" beings June 2nd. However, I have made it a habit to evaluate my goals every 6 months. I have had some life changes since June, which does slightly alter my goals.
So here is the "State of my Life" address in a reflection of this past year and the last 4 days:)

Last January I was still a youth minister. I was making plans for summer. My best friend only lived an hour away for the first time since I moved to Texas in 1998. However... my life was so busy I had no time to myself. I felt like I wasn't giving my best to either of my jobs. However - I gained a new close friend in my fellow minister at church....
The end of school came in May....and summer began. Little did I know I would finally make friends with people in the church other than the youth and their parents through the Perry County mission trip. I had long talks with some of the ladies that week and learned a lot about the different attitudes within the church. I felt a real need to pray for the church and bring prayer as a ministry into the church body... however, could I really take on something else?
We then went to Nashville... I saw God at work in many different ways. I saw people step out of their boxes and comfort zones and join God in His work... and then take that home and apply it through working at the nursing home.
AND... then all hell broke loose. I lost respect for the leadership in the church, and they lost respect for me.... My philosophy of ministry is serve and let God provide. However, that is not what the powers that be wanted. And so, after a weary battle, I left my post. I am still a member, just not active. But, going different places, I have seen and experience what I have been missing for the past 3 years... the Holy Spirit being allowed to work.
So, here I am... looking for a church home and a place to serve. At times I feel displaced, others thankful that I am where I am, but most of the time I am still sad and miss my church family (as it was).... sure, we still talk... but those times are getting more sparse as life gets in the way. There will come a time that I become the remember when topic... and the where is she now topic of conversation. I will have moved on and so will they... or that is how it usually goes. This makes me sad. It is hard to move on.... but it happens. I hear about different youth from the church and see thier FB pictures ... their getting drunk comments and pics... and it makes me wonder if I did anything right. Did anything I said or did make any difference at all?

So what now? I don't know what the year holds. Good times... I am sure... disappointments.... of course.... But God is in control of it all.

My prayer is "Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. I want to know what it's like to follow you. When men look at me, I want them to see, the Light of the World inside" Move me out of the way and use me as you see fit.