Frustrated

O.K., so, I feel frustrated today.... I feel like there are those people that think I am a horrible person, for one reason or another, but have never really given me a chance. I have wanted to cry, at times, today. Have ever been to the point that you knew you needed to pray for someone.... but really didn't want to. It is much easier to stay angry or disappointed in them than to hope they see the error of their ways. Taking the high road is way hard. Today I am thinking it may be too hard. Maybe I will change my mind tomorrow. If I could turn back time... how far would I go back? 2 months... 6 months... 3 years? I just have to keep reminding myself that God is God and I am not....

Another week, another dollar

It is the beginning of another week. I love my job.... I really do, but I am counting down until summer. I live for holidays! October 13th here I come! The holidays are my time markers... or my goal days.... If I can get to that point then.....
I don't have anything real insightful to write about today. Just trying to catch up on grading and the rest of my life. Trying to get into a new routine that is now my life. I am still sad... but I cannot dwell on it. I miss my peeps! :) Not that I don't see or talk to them, but it is different.
My verse for the day.... Isaiah 26:8-9

Contradictions

I read an email this morning and have been thinking about contradictions since I read it. What makes people like contradictory lives? We hear the saying "walk the walk and talk the talk" or as Scripture says, "let your yes be yes and your no be no (Matt. 5:37)" It makes me sad that sometimes people do not realize they are being contradictory....or as some would call it, hypocritical. I believe that a person's actions speak louder than words when it comes to people viewing ones life and the standards you say you live by. There are a few Scripture passages that come to mind, one being James 1:19-27. Live a life above reproach.....

I feel like it is Friday and I love the weather

This has been one long week. I guess not going to church on Wednesday has made today feel like Friday. I just have to get into a new routine.
I am hoping to start a small group girls Bible Study at my house, possibly next month. We will see. There are several girls in the area that are interested. I have also decided to go visit the churches of my Bible Class students in the next several weeks. I will be attending some Baptist, Episcopal, Methodist, and Presbyterian Churches. I don't think I have any Catholic Churches this semester. It will probably take me about 2 months to do this. So the months of October and November will be an adventure.

Finally, my 2 favorite times of year are Spring and Fall. I am loving this weather. I wish I already had my porch screened in, so I could sit outside without the possibility of Frogs and bugs. Hmmmm.... I sense an adventure coming on!

Faith

I was reading this morning in Hebrew 11:1-3 in the Message

The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd. By faith, we see the world called into existence by God's word, what we see created by what we don't see.

I also did a search for other verses that deals with Faith....

You've been raised on the Message of the faith and have followed sound teaching. Now pass on this counsel to the followers of Jesus there, and you'll be a good servant of Jesus. Stay clear of silly stories that get dressed up as religion. Exercise daily in God—no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever. You can count on this. Take it to heart. This is why we've thrown ourselves into this venture so totally. We're banking on the living God, Savior of all men and women, especially believers.1 Timothy 4:6msg

There is a song by Rich Mullins that I will always love. It reminds me of so many times in my life that my faith has been so little, yet God shines through completely. God is creator, Savior,... and should be Lord of my life. If I don't have faith, is HE really and truly Lord, or rather, do I allow Him to be Lord of my Life? He doesn't push Himself in, but waits for me to see that I need Him completely and totally. I have to say, each day I have to surrender my will to what HE wants my life to be like. I look back on my life and realize how many times I fought God on what He wanted in contrast to what I wanted. He way was always SO much better, in retrospect. Thank goodness He is God and I am not!

Hold Me Jesus

Well, sometimes my life Just don't make sense at all

When the mountains look so big

And my faith just seems so small

CHORUS:

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf

You have been King of my glory

Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark

It's so hot inside my soul

I swear there must be blisters on my heart

CHORUS

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf

You have been King of my glory

Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me

I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want

Than to take what You give that I need

And I've beat my head against so many walls

Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees
And this Salvation Army band Is playing this hymn

And Your grace rings out so deep

It makes my resistance seem so thin

CHORUS

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf

You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace
You have been King of my glory Won't You be my Prince of Peace

The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched; they must be felt with the heart.
—Helen Keller

The Crossroads

This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, 'We will not walk in it.' Jeremiah 6:16

Life has many times that we come to a point where we are presented choices, where we stand at a Crossroads and have to choose which way to go. God has given us a mind to logically think through these choices. I see 3 things in this verse... first you have to Stand and Look - you have to know where you are and what is around you... next, you need to Ask - ask for direction, ask questions about where each path would tak you, this is considering your options. In other words, don't make hasty dicisions, think things through and don't act on the emotion of it all.... and finally, Walk - go on the path God is leading, stepping out in faith and knowing HE is in control.

The second part of this verse is the response that the Isrealites gave to God's instruction... but how many of Us, at times, don't follow the path that God has for us. We venture off on our own, taking situations into our own hands? I have many times done this and messed up life. Not that God hasn't worked for the good in those situations, but it would have been SOOO much easier to go in the right way to begin with.

Strange feeling

It is a strange feeling knowing I only hold 1 j0b... and that the ministry that I put everything into is no longer an official part of me. It is an empty feeling (this is the only way I know how to explain it). I am still very sad... no longer angry... just sad. I am going to miss working with Seth, who is one of the most precious people to work with. He has a worshipers heart. I feel like I haven't had sufficient time to have closure.... but it is what it is.... yesturday came and went. I think I did pretty well, considering the circumstances. I want to see change happen, for the sake of God's Church! No church is perfect, but churches should be growing and serving and loving....
A new chapter has begun... in this adventure called my life!

My Resignation

September 17, 2008

Dear Pintlala Baptist Church,

I have had the honor and privilege of serving along side you and your students for the past three years as part-time student minister. I have seen God work in and through these students in many different settings and circumstances. Thank you for this opportunity, many of you have been a blessing to me.

That being said, there comes a time when we must make a choice. Through much prayer, thought, deliberation, and conversation over the last few weeks and months about where it is that God wants me, the conclusion is that I am called elsewhere. So, as of Sunday, September 21, 2008, I hereby resign my position as Minister to Students at Pintlala Baptist Church.

I want to encourage you, my brothers and sisters in the faith, to keep struggling, to keep wrestling with God, to keep seeking growth and change, to keep on discovering what it means for you to follow Jesus here at Pintlala Baptist Church.

May “The LORD bless you, and keep you; the LORD make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up His countenance on you, and give you peace.'

Numbers 6:24-26.
Only Because of Him,
Rebecca N. Helms

This is some thoughts from my friend Becky Phillips.... Great thoughts and very insightful!

I was reading Joshua tonight (I know it's late.....but I'm insomniatic...if that's a word) and I found something that I thought was interesting.In Joshua 3, Joshua is preparing the children of Israel to pass through the Jordan river into the Promised Land. He tells them to sanctify themselves, and when they get to the Jordan River, to get in and stand still. After the Lord delivered the Israelites, Joshua commanded them to build an altar--stones of remembrance--on the other side of the river as a testament to what the Lord had done. I looked up some commentary on what the significance of the Jordan River was. What I found was interesting and the encouragment that I needed. In the Bible, the Jordan River is symbolic of the passing over from one place to another--specifically, at a point in one's life where the Lord is in the process of changing and molding a life. Joshua commanded the people to get in and stand still. At the point in our lives when the Lord may be molding us, it gets uncomfortable. The desire is to run, to go back to the "safe" and perhaps even pleasurable side of the river where we were before. If we follow the example, we should get in and stand still in the place where the Lord is growing us. As our relationship is just that---not a religion, but a personal, growing relationship with the Lord--this process should happen over and over again throughout the course of our walk on this earth. Don't run. Move to the place where the Lord has the ability (and permission--He won't force Himself) to teach you, and then stand still while He does!If you follow the story, Joshua commanded the Israelites, once they got to the other side, to construct an altar as a place of remembrance for what the Lord had done for them on that day. When you come through a period of trials, growth, learning, or help (and often they seem to show up together...), leave stones of remembrance as a testament to the Lord's grace and His work on your life. Allow the process of change in your walk with Christ to be one that others can be inspired by...not because of how phenomenal we are, but because of His mercy and grace that He would still continue to chip away at the areas of our life that are unnecessary to make us something beautiful.

May God continue to work in and through you, and may God chip away that which is unnecessary

The End

Well.... this is it! The last week. How do I feel about this and what am I thinking? I am not sure about either of these 2 questions. But I know that I have done as God has asked. I have tried to reconcile. I have tried to go forward. Yes, it hurts. Yes, I am sad. Yes, I am angry (however that anger has turned into pity). It is sad when people can not get past something and move forward. Forgiveness is a choice...and moving forward is a choice. I am praying for all of those who are very dear to my heart. Those I have seen grow and change over the past 3 years. I pray that they get beyond the stagnation and stand up to make a difference.

Listen

Last night our Bible Study time was about listening to God and how to listen. We fill up our lives with so much noise, it is difficult to hear what HE has to say to us. I am completely guilty of this. I know that I do not listen... or after I hear what He tells me, I doubt. Oh ye of little faith :)!

Broken but useful... and realizing all people are different.

Have you ever realized how small you are.... but then realize how much you are used by Him? That is how I was today. In Bible class with the 10th grade, we discussed Faith and the Holy Spirit. We totally do not depend on the Holy Spirit ... we are control freaks when it comes to life. It is easy to say, "Let go and let God," until it is finally time to do so! The not knowing is scary most of the time... but it is also a huge part of the adventure. What is around the corner?

On another thought... all people are different. I am still trying to figure out why some try to put others in a box. If you know me, you know my philosophy of life.... step away from your box... throw it away if you have to. It is important to not get stuck in the way life use to be or the way you think life is suppose to be, that you miss the life that is going on right now! And, it important to realize that God created everyone differently... not everyone acts and reacts to situations differently. You cannot know what someone is thinking unless you talk rationally to them. Never assume! Always stop and consider.....

Jesus Messiah - by Chris Tomlin

He became sin Who knew no sin That we might become His Righteousness He humbled himself and carried the cross Love so amazing Love so amazing Chorus: Jesus Messiah Name above all names Blessed Redeemer Emmanuel The rescue for sinners The ransom from Heaven Jesus Messiah Lord of all His body the bread His blood the wine Broken and poured out all for love The whole earth trembled And the veil was torn Love so amazingLove so amazing, yeahChorus: Jesus Messiah Name above all names Blessed Redeemer Emmanuel The rescue for sinners The ransom from Heaven Jesus Messiah Lord of all All our hope is in You All our hope is in You All the glory to You, God The light of the world Chorus: Jesus Messiah Name above all names Blessed Redeemer Emmanuel The rescue for sinners The ransom from Heaven Jesus Messiah Lord of all

Exhaustion.....

Have you ever been exhausted? I am not meaning tired... I mean to the point that physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually you don't know if you can go one more day.... one more hour.... or even, one more minute. I have to say, I am at that point! Thank goodness my strength is not my own.
I still don't know exactly what to do. My gut reaction is just wait and see.... but what if I end up in the fall out? Does that matter? I have lots to think and pray through.....
The Scripture of the day is Galatians 2:11-21.

The coming of something new.

You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They'll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you're doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God's servant.

II Timothy 4:3-5 (Message)

As I was teaching Acts 1 today a thought came to me...actually it just came out of my mouth. We are His to use and to use up if He so desires. Those in the 1st church faced SO much... going against any tradition they had ever known, going against thier law, etc... Yet, they stuck to what they believed. They served, served in most cases until death.

Life is changing.... a new chapter is on the horizon... and I look at those things in my life that are a blessing. First, life itself, which includes the fact that I have everlasting life because of my relationship with Jesus Christ. . Second, my family and friends who love me inspite of me. And finally, truth, the truth cannot be changed... but it can be masked. However, knowing the truth and living it out leaves you free from regret and worry.

Preparation or Protection

"You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They'll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you're doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God's servant. " 2Timothy 4:3-5 (Message)

I really like how the Message puts this verse. Paul was instructing Timothy about his ministry... that there would be times that were hard.... what matters is how you act and react through it all. This past weekend was one of happiness and saddness.... I just pray that I have acted and reacted in such a way that Christ was and is being reflected to those around me.